interview by vanessa willoughby

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You wake up and you're trapped in a cartoon! What cartoon is it and what character are you?
Rugrats! I am a mix between Susie Carmichael (black, cute, passionate about justice for small children), Charlotte Pickles (mean, always on her phone), and Spike (hungry)

You get to raid one movie closet. What movie is it and why that style?
Do the Right Thing -- I want Mookie's glasses, Jade's hair, Buggin Out's sneakers, and maybe some of Sal's leftover pizza.

What defines social and cultural currency?
TEENS

Your most embarrassing celebrity (or literary) crush?
My celebrity crush is 80's Billy Crystal, specifically in the scenes from When Harry Met Sally when he is obviously wearing a hairpiece. Rawr. I also have a lot of sex dreams about Alec Baldwin.

Halloween or Christmas?
The day after Christmas, when ham is on sale

What would North West write in her burn book?
What REALLY happened in the elevator

What food solves all problems?
Mashed potatoes, the only food I really know how to make, which I like to say I do from a recipe in Nora Ephron's book Heartburn, but in actuality I only remember one direction from that: "More butter."

Name a celebrity you'd want to give fashion advice to, a la Stacey and Clinton on What Not to Wear.
Me in ten years (when I am a celebrity, get it)

What kind of bird would you be?
A pigeon, probably -- never any line to see an NYC attraction and as many carbs as I could eat!

What's your MC name?
White people trying too hard to be my friend often call me "DJ Jazzy Jeff," so let's go with "Not DJ Jazzy Jeff Just Jazmine, Thanks."

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