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At a bar, a man tells me he works for a nonprofit and I say oh what nonprofit and he says oh I convince women not to commit vicious and gruesome murder upon their squishy precious unborn babies so I say fuck you fuck fuck fuck etc. and the man responds by placing his hand gently upon my shoulder and looking into my face with a very pained and sincere expression. Do. Not. Kill. The. Babies. the man says, and this is when I say fine, very mysterious and dark-like, and instead of killing the babies I kill the man. It turns out I have had a knife in my hand the whole time and unflinchingly I stab the man in his core. The man is shocked but not too shocked. You! he gasps in recognition. You! You! You! And this goes on for a while (the you-you-yous), which is boring and makes me yawn, so I take out my nail buffer and begin to buff my nails. I buff them back and forth and over and over until they can’t be any smoother or any shinier. I file the tops of them so they’re round and equal in length. When I’m done, they are perfect and I never want to touch them again.