Because what breaks me is the thought of their joy, moments before.
Because Yaeji sings This product is called Depression& I think about how I haven’t been out dancingin a year, & how I say Because I’m a homebodywhen my body misses the way bodies become song& light.
Because their singing along, their jokes,their swoon-worthy moves.
Because how does a body forget all danger & become song, swoon?
Because in the music video, Yaeji critiques makeup tutorialsby performing one. Because the products are ego, embarrassing moments,capital D Depression.
Because how does a queer body?
Because I’m in my 7th grade bedroom again, quietlyputting my hands on the warm hips of a tallcolumn of air. Because I’ve sculpted the airinto a boy. Because Jake B. whosits across in History.Because I feel finally insidemy own face. Because
joy. Then, fear.
Because their clumsy-but-don’t-care, their beauty, the beauty of the night lit upby a lyric, a kiss, some impossiblyimpeccable hair.
Because forgetting all danger because the lungs need to. The legs.
Because in the music video Yaeji dancesto the rhythm of her own satirical ritual, finding joy, or something like it.
Because their finding each other.
Because what breaks.
Because how sings a body.
Because one night I walk by a soccer field & seecollege boys playing, touchingeach other rough, barechest meeting bright T-shirt shoulder,& I can’t help but think, sportsare super gay, think, the word “glistening”must’ve been invented for just this sight, their moonlitcollisions, my instant replaysin slowest cue the softmusic motion.
Because the body’s truest thought is play, moon.
Because how does my body.
Because in the song another product is the unexpected tomorrow because Yaeji sings Put on the unexpected tomorrow because Yaeji sings & I sway, & yet.
Because their laughter.
I keep hearing their laughter, moments before.
//Note: The song referenced is “Last Breath” by the Korean American electronic music artist Yaeji. All quotations from it are the artist’s English translations of her Korean lyrics.