I guess it’s fine to say goodbye to kick him square out
of my life I guess I’m curious why that hurts more than letting him stay
to have his feet on the table his underwear hanging from the bath-
room knob I guess I’m wondering what kept him here in the first place my
chronic(ally) open door or his guilt my patholog(y)ical loneliness or
his capricious entertainment I guess it’s fine to say no more to attempt to find
my own way out of Stockholm without a map to insist he
leave me there will he leave me Of course he will makes for a better
looking story They ASKED for space I TOLD them I didn’t have feelings for them I just
wanted to be a BETTER friend I was CLEAR Of course he
will leave me alone he’s good at backing out maintaining
distance I’ll never see him again except on Instagram
except when I see he likes my friend(’s) Facebook post I will field others’ af-
fections of him it will choke me a little each time maybe I will keep
telling my storymy sidemy takeon things whenever it comes up, like it’s
standard knowledge because casual rape is standard knowledge it’s textbook it’s
normal it’s called dating but we weren’t dating we weren’t
even dating we were just “hanging out” (I was CLEAR) I thought
that’s what folks were calling casual rape these days I noticed
how I never got to say yes because I was never asked if I wanted
to even if I did indeed want to just not right then and not like
this: rattled awake by wriggling fingers a torrent of lips on my neck drunk on 3am
in pajamas in a town I have never been to before in the North
Country in late September so yeah I guess my fault
yeah? My fault (I/the alcohol) didn’t notice him gnawing through my left pec
I stared at that fist -sized bruise in the mirror for weeks
it took me five months to send him away he didn’t see why he didn’t see
me like I (thought he would)/(do) I’m sorry I let me believe (in)
them: The Pop Bands. The Daydreams. Love. People. The Sun
Beaming Through The Thunderhead Whatever
comes of this, it’s
myfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultyeahCLEAR?