I guess it’s fine to say goodbye to kick him square outof my life I guess I’m curious why that hurts more than letting him stayto have his feet on the table his underwear hanging from the bath-room knob I guess I’m wondering what kept him here in the first place mychronic(ally) open door or his guilt my patholog(y)ical loneliness or his capricious entertainment I guess it’s fine to say no more to attempt to find my own way out of Stockholm without a map to insist heleave me there will he leave me Of course he will makes for a betterlooking story They ASKED for space I TOLD them I didn’t have feelings for them I justwanted to be a BETTER friend I was CLEAR Of course hewill leave me alone he’s good at backing out maintaining distance I’ll never see him again except on Instagram except when I see he likes my friend(’s) Facebook post I will field others’ af-fections of him it will choke me a little each time maybe I will keep telling my storymy sidemy takeon things whenever it comes up, like it’sstandard knowledge because casual rape is standard knowledge it’s textbook it’s normal it’s called dating but we weren’t dating we weren’teven dating we were just “hanging out” (I was CLEAR) I thoughtthat’s what folks were calling casual rape these days I noticed how I never got to say yes because I was never asked if I wantedto even if I did indeed want to just not right then and not like this: rattled awake by wriggling fingers a torrent of lips on my neck drunk on 3am in pajamas in a town I have never been to before in the North Country in late September so yeah I guess my faultyeah? My fault (I/the alcohol) didn’t notice him gnawing through my left pecI stared at that fist -sized bruise in the mirror for weeks it took me five months to send him away he didn’t see why he didn’t seeme like I (thought he would)/(do) I’m sorry I let me believe (in)them: The Pop Bands. The Daydreams. Love. People. The SunBeaming Through The Thunderhead Whatever comes of this, it’smyfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfaultyeahCLEAR?